The Challenge of a Fetal Defect or Abnormal Baby
By Rebekah Templeton
When I was eighteen, I was convinced I was pregnant. I was in a coercive relationship with a much older man and the thing that frightened me the most was what my parents would say. They were extremely strict and authoritarian and I had had the Ten Commandments rammed down my throat from birth.
It turned out to be a false alarm, but for two weeks, I was gripped with fear. The prospect of having an abortion terrified me. For a vulnerable teenager, it was a horrible situation to be in and apart from my coercive boyfriend, I had no one to turn to.
Fast forward thirty years and let me put my cards on the table. I’ve had three children, all planned. When I announced my pregnancies, everyone was happy and I was fortunate enough to have no medical issues.
These days, I believe that rather than being a set of rigid rules, the Ten Commandments are the words of a loving father who hates the idea of His beloved children being hurt. “Please don’t do that,” He says gently, yearning for us to come to him. “That will cause you pain and I don’t want you to suffer.”
Eighteen year old me didn’t feel she had any choice or any support. I hate to think of anyone being in that situation today.
The Choices Community is people-focused and non-judgemental and for me, that’s really important. There is no, “one size fits all” solution to an unplanned or difficult pregnancy. Faced with an unexpected pregnancy or birth defects being detected, a woman does face tough choices. It’s good to know that there are people on hand to help. Risks of abortion are covered in full.
Around once every two years, I reread Sarah Williams’ book, “The Shaming of the Strong.” I can’t do it any more than that because I find it so emotional. At her twelve week scan during her third pregnancy, Sarah was told that her child had thanatophoric dysplasia. A skeletal deformity, it means that the chest cannot grow large enough to support the lungs. Any baby with this condition cannot live.
Sarah and her husband decided to carry their daughter, Cerian, to term. Sarah gave birth to her (she died in utero three hours before her birth), bathed her, dressed her, held her and said goodbye. Every single medical professional they spoke to advised a medical termination.
Reading the book evoked strong emotions in me. It made me realise that disability is not a barrier to love. Over the years, I have found that love can look like so many different things. Twelve years ago, a friend who already had four children and not much money accidentally got pregnant. We ran into each other outside the chippy.
“I’m getting rid of it. I don’t have a choice,” she said. “We can’t afford another one.”
I remember speaking to her about what choices she had and praying on the way home that she would keep the baby. She did. I often see him getting off the school bus, tall and handsome, laughing with his friends. They coped. That was their choice.
The pressure to abort is strong in British medical care – it is almost the default option. But there are so many other choices and there is support out there for anyone who finds themselves in a difficult situation.
If I’d been pregnant at eighteen, my child would be thirty years old now. I didn’t know I had a choice back then and it may well be that there are many women in Britain today who don’t know they do either. With the help and support available through the Choices Community, there may well be another way of looking at an unborn life.
Dr Mark comments:
We have help for you if you face a pregnancy with
a birth defect or other problem raised by this article.
Birth defects are covered on page 145 of our
Pregnancy And Abortion Handbook
Buy here https://choicescommunity.com/the-book
Preventing birth defects:
Not all birth defects can be prevented. But, there are things that a woman can do before and during pregnancy to increase her chance of having a healthy baby. Preventing Birth Defects